Second Best
by Tiffany Blews
Summary: The cold feels like home; it's as miserable and empty as I am. I don't want to hurt anymore, Spencer, I just want to forget.-read author note at the end, please.


_You're Ashley Davies, your heart dosen't break._

The cold is comforting.

I like the cold, because it's as miserale and empty as I am. Winter comes very cold here, and I like it.

Summer burns, it reminds me of _you_. Summer awakens the memories, the ones I can't seem to shake.

Summer brings the smell of vanilla perfume and watermelon lipgloss; the smell of... _you._

I close my eyes, why can't I forget?

God knows I've tried, so hard. I'm not supposed to live my life like this, I deserve to be happy... don't I?

Was it really so wrong to want everything, to want you both? I admit, it was selfish, but people are selfish, and I lost it all. Isn't that punishment enough?

Why won't you just fade?

I imagine a day when those memories melt away like snow on warm palms.

But that's just imagination.

I gulp down regret.

_You're Ashley Davies, your heart dosen't break._

I take a slow breath, walking through Central Park.

I moved a couple of weeks ago, thinking a change in scenery might help. It didn't.

I wonder where you are, how you're doing. Do you think of me as much as I do of you?

Probably not. I probably disgust you, I disgust myself.

What was I thinking, Spence?

Why couldn't I see it?

I cross the street to my apartment building, the sounds of the city so deafiningly loud.

I don't want to hurt anymore, Spencer.

I just want to live, free of this burden. I want to forget you, forget I ever met you, forget this kind of pain even exsists.

I feel the pull of tears on my eyes.

_You're Ashley Davies, your heart dosen't break._

My phone rings in my purse, I step into the elevator, ignoring it.

When I reach my apartment, I drop my stuff onto the kitchen counter, retreiving my phone.

A strange number is on the caller ID, a voicemail awaits.

I put the phone to my ear, preparing for a message from Kyla.

_Hi, Ashley. It's Aiden. It's been a while. Last I heard, you had moved to New York. I hope it's nice there, I always wanted to go. I'm still here, right where you left me._ (He chuckles dryly, then sighs.) _I geuss the real reason I'm calling is that I... well I miss you, Ashley. I've been trying to hate you, trying to forget, but I can't. I don't think I'm supposed to. Ashley... I've been doing alot of thinking, and I still love you. So much has happened, but I think we can move past it. You and I, we can have something. We can be in love, Ash. Just call me back, this is my new number.. Let's do this right, the way it's supposed to be done. Let's have something real... I- I love you Ashley._

By the time the message is done, my eyes are full of moisture.

Because I don't love him, Spencer.

My tears fall over, and suddenly I'm sobbing. Raspy, gasping, sobs. I don't recognize the sound, and it scares me.

I try to stop, but it burns in the back of my throat, and I'm sobbing again.

I miss you, I miss the color of your hair in the sun. I miss the smell of your skin, the gleam of your eyes. I miss the way you said my name.

I can almost here it now.

_Ashhley._

Your H's roll longer than anyones.

The remembrance of that makes me want to run out my door and catch a flight right now.

But I can't do that.

You wouldn't open your door to me, you wouldn't even look at me. I remember what you said that day, Spencer.

_You're dead to me._

Such a cliche, but it meant so much. It hurt so much, because I knew you meant it.

Your mouth formed so perfectly around the words that would banish me from your life, and you never looked back.

And I never called, I never went to your house, I never tried... because I'm Ashley Davies.

--

Everything is packed away, all the boxes are on their way back to the West Coast.

My crying spell has passed, but I feel no better.

I called Aiden back, said I was coming home. He was happy, I could hear it in his voice, that makes it worse.

I'm standing in this empty apartment, preparing myself to go home, to jump back into the world I left.

I'm preparing myself to see the old sights, the old sights that hold memories of you and I.

I'm preparing myself to look at Aiden, to tell him I love him, to lie to him.

I take in a shuddering breath, I'm preparing myself for second best.

**Author Note;**

Okay, so do you like?

I haven't done a SON in a while.

The show starts back in a couple of weeks.

"THE FINAL EPISODES."

The-N officially sucks now.

Anyways, should I continue, or oneshot?

Review and tell me, please.

iloveyouguys


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